So after all that has been said and done (in which some of you guys would might be wondering WHAT REALLY HAS BEEN SAID AND DONE… I would have to definitely write a book and post it as a link for those who are in love with me secretly to read about my dysfunctional yet surprisingly interesting life), I think I have found the answers or true calling per say.
Last night, the unexpected happened. My mother; a friend, a parent, a mother, a fighter, a lover, sometimes a bitch, sometimes a comedian… anyways the list goes on and on but back to the story, she almost lost her life due to a car accident. She was trying to pick up her worthless sister across state and bring her back to their mother’s place but that resulted in bad luck. I was notified first hand of what happened soon after they had arrived home. Now, thank god my mother’s life was spare from the shinigami but when I stared into my mother’s eyes at that moment, an oni awakened inside of me. It felt so weird, almost as if it had stored all the bad energy in my life and was ready to blow out that very instant. It was scary because it was not the person who I am or want to be in the future but the fact was, it is a part of me. I tried holding myself back as much as I could but in the end it was unleashed. Words were shed back and forth between family members and I was the leader of the pack. If verbal argument were to be animated, you could almost see different words turning into objects shooting straight at people and them being recipricated back. “This family is cursed and will only lead the members to misery and unhappiness,” would be the right translation to what was my last verdict of the fight as I walked back into my room. In my room, I tried to bring myself into a state of peace. Sitting on my bed with my hands covering my face I tried to shut my mind off from reality but the only image that came to my mind was a doppelganger of myself with a cocky grin on his face slowly dissipating into the shadows.
At the end of last night, I finally knew what I need to do in order to free myself. It may be the most awful and cruel thing a son, a nephew, a grandchild can do to his family but it is the ONLY thing I can do for myself; and that is to leave without a trace.
